Thursday, August 5, 2010
So, In This Hour (TRS)
A new chapter, filled with new faces, new places, new everything pretty much - 2 months into it now and I don't even know if I've come up for air! I'm going to admit, I was a little hesitant about life in Glendale...I did not want to move out of Tempe, but to my surprise, Glendale has been much more than I expected. I think this has a lot to do with the people and good energy around here. It's crazy how we can adapt to change so quickly - In every stage of my life I become happily immersed in my surroundings and I never want to leave, but again and again I always find myself surrrounded by exceeding beauty. Change is good...and inevitable, but despite my resistance to it life continues to show me a plethora of amazingness that this world holds. In order for me to continue to experience more of it, I may just have to let go of what I hate to call, control, and embrace the fact that even if it doesn't make sense all the time, life is happening just as it should :)
After adjusting back from Haiti and preparing for grad school I found myself motivated but standing in the shadow of fear. I was afraid that I wouldn't live up to my potential in helping people or that I wouldn't pick the best path that would fulfill my role in life. There are so many what ifs, could haves, should haves, would haves in our lives that if we focus on them it takes us away from what we are doing in the present moment. The more energy we give to the past or the future, the more it takes away from being present right now. I'm not saying it's bad to get excited about upcoming events or motivated for future plans, but if we surround our lives with what is about to happen then we will completely miss what is actually happening right now. This is something I catch myself doing - always daydreaming about what cool things are coming up in life or reminiscing about past-time adventures, but I really want to focus on being present in every moment of my life. This includes every conversation, every encounter - being present is more valuable than I ever gave credit to..
There is one thing in particular that I've been focusing on - phone DE-attachment! I've been getting better and not constantly being on my phone, but sometimes I catch myeslf lost in text messages instead of immersed in my presence. It's just so easy! Friends, ideas, faces I can't see....are just a few clicks on my phone away. Now don't get me wrong, texting can be an incredibly valuable thing! But sometimes I put more energy into text-conversations than I do to conversations in person. The more I'm on my phone, the less present I am in my day, with whomever or with whatever I'm doing. I think I'm jipping myself on the time inbetween. Life isn't really a point A point B type of thing, it's a continuous journey....and I've been missing the beauty that makes up the miles and months between. BUT I'm working hard and slowly but surely, I'm becoming more present in my daily life :)
Back to school - If I had to sum up PA school in a few words they would probably be...brain overload, library, and cadaver juice. So pretty much I love it :) The people are awesome, the school is awesome -I can actually park
within a decent walking distance to class (as opposed to the 0.5-1 mile walks at ASU) and our professors have a pretty personal role in our education which is a huge difference from my undergrad experience. The amount of information that is thrown at is us nothing short of overwhelming, but at least the stuff is relevant and interesting! My feelings towards a few subjects on the other hand (biochem), can be summed up by the picture on the left....
I thought it would be weird having the same classes with the same exact people day after day...but I actually really like it. There are so many people from all over with a variety of backgrounds and personalities...but we all started this journey together so it's nice to travel with everyone fighting the same battles day by day.
We were watching a movie in class and at the end there was a woman was talking about certain trials that come up in life and not knowing what to do or what the right path is- sound familiar? I don't remember her exact words but she said something along the lines of... "I don't know the right answer, but if I'm going to take a risk, I'm going to boldly do it on the side of love" At this moment I finally realized that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in life...Her words went straight to my heart - A good reminder that we all have options, decisions, and risks that we take in life, and many of them are criticized or questioned and sometimes I don't have a direct, all-encompassing, satisfying answer. Sometimes I just want to take the side of love, without a path of reason, just love.
I booked my flight to Colorado for break and was thinking about how excited I was (yeah...day dreaming about the future again!) and then I caught a tiny itty bitty glimpse of a strange emotion - I'm going to be out of Glendale for a whole week! I think I might miss my fellow Glendale-ites...weird? Nah, just a sign of good people and a little love.
Finals are approaching...which means we are almost a quarter done with our first year! I guess that endless nights studying, back to back to back exams, sitting 8 hours/day in the same lecture hall makes time fly. And I've come to the realization that smelling like cadavers...all day-everyday isn't all that bad when we're all in it together. 2 months down, can't wait to see what the next 25 bring!
Tattoos, hikes, party bus, forts, feasts, and jump street - great start to our journey!