[Haiti] The more I see, the less I know

The title of this post pretty much sums up my experience in Haiti. The more I see of the world, the more I realize that there is SO much I do not know.

[All in all is all we are] When I initially think of natural disasters I see an opportunity for communities to come together, for countries to come together - after all we do share the same world, right? Unfortunately I was unaware or maybe even ignorant to the dark side of a vulnerable situation. Don't get me wrong, underneath the corruption and social imbalance lies a tremendous layer of love and support among communities that cannot be expressed in words. But as I took a deeper look at what is impairing the re-growth, I stumbled upon a place that took my breath away. A place plagued with greed and silenced with abandonment - I had mentally prepared myself for tragedy, but not on this level.

The exposure to these factors brought new dimensions of challenge into my life - I won't go into all of the details, but the barriers that seemed to infarct social justice appeared bigger, walls of inequality stood taller, and the depths of despair dug deeper. When exposed to some of this corruption, one may feel discouraged - I know that I sure did. It seemed as if one mountain was conquered, any plight of triumph was squished by another mountain emerging behind the first, after all, Haiti does mean "Mountains beyond Mountains".

[Stuck] As I reflected on some of the issues that were going on I often felt overwhelmed with helplessness, how could I help these people? Anything I do won't change the corruption when it lies at the top of the power chain. I felt stuck at the bottom of a wall. Everytime I tried to look up to map my way over it, it seemed to grow taller and taller. As the seed of discouragement grew within me I turned to the first page of my journal and was humbled by this: "I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but I can still do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

I had written this down before I left for this trip to remember the importance of a single person. This reminds me of a short empowering story about a little starfish that Jamie shared during one of our discussions...

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so , he walked faster to catch up. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean." "I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"

I love this story :) It reminds me that we may not be able to fix every problem or support every child that leaves footprints in our hearts, but that shouldn't discourage me from not trying my best to serve other

communities to the best of MY ability. My role is not to fix Haiti's problems, or Africa's problems, or anyone's problems - but rather to support our neighbors, to help them help themselves and to be a source of love. Service doesn't mean you have to fix what is broken! Service = support. I think this is something that is easily forgotten amongst fellow travelers, it's easy to show up in another culture and think you have the answers to their problems - Children are starving? Well let's just give them food! Diseases are spreading? Well let's solve it the way we do it in my country - this approach doesn't leave room for cultural differences or sustainable growth. It would be nice if problems and solutions were that universal, but I believe there is more to healing than that..

[You can turn off the light, but I'm still gonna shine] As our days passed I embraced the love pouring out from the kids -this was one of the strongest factors that eased my discouragement. A good friend of mine once told me that poverty looks the same all over the world, I didn't understand what this meant until this trip. Poverty does look the same in terms of the physical aspects -

broken down buildings, trash lining the streets, etc. but another aspect I have found among areas of poverty that I have visited is the immense level of faith & hope that hold "broken" communities together. These communities may have fallen from the outside, but time and time again it is proven to me that an internal infrastructure of love and support withstands any brokenness. There was light radiating through these children - the same type of light I have seen in the hearts at Peace Matunda. It's the type of extraordinary light that stops you in your tracks and you saw wow, how does a heart like that fit into that tiny body?? Amazing :)

I was lucky enough to celebrate my 23rd birthday on the trip! As tradition entails for my birthdays, there was dinner and dancing, but in an incredibly non-traditional way! We had rice, beans, and the [delicious] Haitian red sauce, afterwards we gathered in a circle on the patio where we were called out one by one by the kids to show off our dancing skills as they sang Creole songs! Most of the kids could shake it ten times better than I can, but I think they appreciated my sprinkler moves....who knew turning 23 could be so fun?

[Blessed] Other than the birthday fun, the best part of my trip was the blessing of the grounds before the construction for the orphanage started. Our organization raised enough money to purchase materials to start building the orphanage. It's so hard to put into words the energy of the atmosphere. As we closed our eyes for the pastor's blessing, every external sensation seemed to disappear, all I could feel was my heart beating as I was overwhelmed with the light of the moment. I wish I could accurately describe how incredible it was to stand there, embracing the spirit of hope and thinking about how it was to be a home of refuge and a place of love. FAITH was a large component of my time in Haiti, it was challenged beyond it's limits - Ups, downs, even a few upside-downs. I don't think I've ever doubted or questioned my faith as much as I have any other time in my life. It also has never been strengthened like this before...

[Fly] We are going to face a lot of challenges in our lives, some are going to be overwhelming, some may seem impossible, and some may come with walls that make us want to run away or give up. But if I've learned anything from my recent experience it's that life isn't about surrendering your faith when things get hard, it's about surrendering control. Take life one day at a time and put your heart into your presence. Don't be discouraged in the face of injustice or run from fear, run with the breath of life - let the sky carry you :)

[Perception] We may not conquer the "Everest" of justice but a person's support and love may help an individual conquer a mountain in their own life and that impact is just as valuable. Those large mountains that seemed impossible to conquer can be impossible if that's all our perceptions allow us to see...but if we are able to venture outside of the conditioned perceptions we create, those giant barriers can be seen as inspiration.

<--- closed minded, closed heart, fear-oritented perceptions may only allow us to see a narrowed portion of what's out there, but if you open your heart, broaden your horizons, you may see the love and beauty that is everywhere ---------------------------------->

Barriers can be opportunities to motivate those willing to serve rather than scaring them away with complexities. I may not be able to donate millions or feed thousands of children but I am still one, and that's all it takes to make a difference in the life of one starfish.

There were so many incredible things I experienced in Haiti, it was just balancing the incredible with the unimaginable that was the most challenging. I couldn't have done it without the support and love of the group I was with - you guys are amazing! Thank you for guiding me into an experience of immeasurable inspiration, growth, and love.

My amazing friend Tamara sent me this song after I got back, it has a beautiful message that hits how I feel spot on, thank you Tee!

Hands -Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless

I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

And heartache came to visit me

But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands